to get the fuck away from this mediocrity. i know, you were thinking "to live deliberately." alas, i am no Thoreau; i need to crawl before i can walk.
(already this job has got me 8to5ing and going home to cook and watch tv. meanwhile, i feel the sting of guilt, remembering i told myself i would ride 10 miles a day as soon as the work-day was up)<---- NOT what i want my life to look like.
is the job worth it? no. do i need the medical insurance and $9.00[taxable] an hour? i..i...guess....? such is the plight of living in the, what are we calling them...? fuck it. we'll call it "this day and age." this crappy cycle of getting a bachelor's degree and working a job you despise with every fiber of your being has been going on for decades now. it's too bad it's weaseled it's way into feminism and we can't just get married before we hit 21 and stay at home and breed more miserable 8to5ers. (hahaha, don't kill me. i'm only joking (and puking.))<--did i do that right? 8th grade grammar has lost me...
so i have this desire to get in my car and drive away this weekend. to where? probably the ocean. my heart always wants to be water-side or in front of a good band. [any good shows this weekend?!?!] this would definitely be at a cost. no, no. i'm not talking about the $. i'm going to have to hear bitching from friends about not attending a wedding, which i don't believe in anyway (at least not in the conventional sense). and probably from other people about other things. i know there are other obligations i'm supposed to break my back over this weekend......probably even overtime i should be putting in at work, what with the big case load and all.
the only respite i find is when my recently-stifled mind wanders off to thoughts of grad school and a career i love and traveling and philanthropizing. but then my jaded/cynical/pessimistic mind quickly reverts to the "...and if you die tomorrow..?" i'd be one pissed off...corpse.
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